I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
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