dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
