You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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