if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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