exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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