We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
