cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
