There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
