my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
