I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
