I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
