Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
