just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
