he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
