i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
