I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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