im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
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Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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