eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Randomize
