I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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