so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
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Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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