Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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