Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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