the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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