Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
