Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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