the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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