....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
