if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
