My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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