I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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