Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
