Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
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