These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
