No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
God, I missed his penis.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
