Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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