In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we're chasing vodka with high fives
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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