The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
