i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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