she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
