I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Bring me that man meat
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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