Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
