Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i already hear my dad disowning me
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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