you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
