Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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