oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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