its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
