My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
