After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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