If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
