I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
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She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
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Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So here I am, sexting at work.
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