Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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