No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
