I am spending my child support on dildos
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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