why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
