R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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