ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
