your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
