i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
