I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize