I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
