i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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