I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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