What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
