It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
