She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
