I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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