Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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