I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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