I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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